Title: Graceless Affectations
Pairing/Characters: Mukuro/Hibari, Tsuna
Summary: Tsuna was sure that if he didn’t end up being driven to insanity by his Mist guardian, he’d end up being killed by his Cloud. Or maybe he just needed more professional psychiatrists.
“Absolutely not! I’ll kill you both, herbivores.”
It took all of Tsuna’s willpower not to back away from the deadly threat issued by his lethal Cloud guardian. Of course, such a threat was supposed to mean nothing, since people uttered this sort of thing all the time when they were either angry or upset and clearly weren’t meant to be taken seriously. In fact, Gokudera had used the phrase at least five times during their last conference. However, Tsuna had quickly learned since his first meeting with Hibari in the reception room in Nami-High that the phrase “I’ll kill you” was meant to be taken very, extremely seriously and literally when it came to Hibari Kyouya.
Unless, of course, you really wanted to be tonfa-ed to death.
Which was why Tsuna could not comprehend the reason Mukuro was still grinning so cheerfully. Maybe somewhere deep, deep inside, his Mist guardian had some suicidal and masochistic tendencies.
“Now, now, Kyouya. You shouldn’t make things difficult for Tsunayoshi, especially since he just took over after all,” Mukuro chastised genially, as though Tsuna’s well-being was actually his top priority. “Besides, I thought you’re looking forward to spend some quality time alone with me.”
Hibari did not even bother to grace Mukuro’s statement with an answer. And under other circumstances, Tsuna would probably have learnt to appreciate the rare thoughtfulness from Mukuro, but the only thought that entered his mind at that moment was that maybe it was finally time to send his Mist guardian for some mental therapy. Tsuna was rather sure that someone, or maybe both he and Mukuro, was going to be murdered in the next few moments. He could already see Hibari’s right hand subconsciously inching closer to the steak knife beside him; clearly, it was a mistake to choose the kitchen as the place for this discussion.
“Look, Hibari-san. I know that this is not ideal, but you’re the only one for the job,” Tsuna continued valiantly, doing his best to try and make his intimidating Cloud Guardian understand that such a crucial undercover job was not one that he could send people like Gokudera or Ryouhei, who most likely would not be able to make it across the compound of their target’s home without having their cover blown to pieces, and he had already sent Yamamoto on a scouting mission. Additionally, he honestly can’t imagine pairing any of them with Mukuro and expecting them to come back intact with an unscarred mind.
“I got that part of the mission,” Hibari replied flatly without even looking at Mukuro, seemingly determined to pretend the illusionist was nothing but a wasted space of air, though Tsuna could still somehow felt like the man was glaring a hole through him and his Mist Guardian. You know, on the inside. “What I don’t understand is why this sorry excuse of an herbivore has to tag along.”
Before Tsuna could answer, Mukuro cut in graciously, completely unperturbed by the former prefect’s lack of acknowledgement. “Because while you’re good at biting people and scaring the lights out of them with lame insults-“ at this, Tsuna was covering his face with both his hands- “ I am still more efficient in getting the facts, and straight out of their minds too. And you tend to leave too much blood and evidence behind (not that I mind), which will reflect badly on us, while I can easily obtain the information we need without spilling any. It’s called diplomacy, Kyouya.”
Tsuna realized that Mukuro had actually managed to make himself sound saintly; the Apocalypse had to be close. “Hibari-san, please. I’ll add another zero to your paycheck”, Tsuna promised desperately before the former prefect finally lost his cool and stabbed his Mist Guardian with the steak knife. He would have to clean up the blood, and that was not even supposed to be part of his job description, whatever Reborn might say!
“Fine”, his Cloud guardian finally conceded after a moment of tense contemplation – Tsuna breathed a sigh of relief- “But if anything goes wrong, I’ll stab him with that fucking trident first, and then I’ll strangle you with his hair”. Tsuna nearly choked on the air he was breathing, as a very disturbing image entered his mind.
“Oya, that sounded almost dirty,” Mukuro grinned, all suave arrogance and velvet smiles, before a thoughtful look entered his heterochromatic orbs. “You know what, maybe the three of us could do something about that on this kitchen table. You know, with a bit of improvising”
In a second too fast for Tsuna to measure, Hibari snarled and armed himself with the nearby steak knife without even bothering with his normal choice of weapon, before advancing on both of them (he was unfortunately situated right next to his crazy Mist Guardian).
Tsuna choked nervously, looking warily at the deadly weapon in his Cloud guardian’s hand before grabbing Mukuro by the sleeve of his expensive black leather jacket as he hurried to drag him away. "Come on, Mukuro, you remember what Reborn always said, about how going up unarmed against crazy guys with steak knives is ill-advised —"
Tsuna managed to drag his Mist Guardian out of the kitchen before any bodily harm was inflicted on either of them.
“You know,” said Mukuro suddenly, “Kyouya was kinda ignoring me the whole time, wasn’t he?”
Tsuna was about to reply that being ignored had to be much more ideal than being stabbed full of holes, when Mukuro turned towards him with an enlightened expression. “Ah, it must be because of what happened last night! Honestly, your Storm Guardian’s should learn to have better timing”
“Eh? Gokudera-kun? What has he got to do with this?” Tsuna asked in confusion.
“Oya, didn’t he tell you?” Mukuro’s face lighted up with very bright smiles and cheerful exclamations. “He walked in just when I was fucking Kyouya in the conference room. I even invited him to join us, since he looked kinda green in the face”
If Tsuna weren’t so acquainted with all his Guardian’s quirks, the confession would have made him rethink all his life decisions. “You're a really sick person, you know."
Mukuro considered this seriously for a moment. "Yeah. I know; it is something that probably runs in the family anyway. But you have to admit it would be funny and interesting."
Tsuna merely shook his head and made a mental note to call Shamal later. While Shamal made it his principal not to treat man, he hoped the hitman-turned-doctor wouldn’t mind recommending a few professional psychiatrists to him.
A/N: I swear I started out attempting to write a Mukuro/Chrome fic in light of recent chapters. How in the world did it turn out into this is beyond me, really. It might be because of Fran and him messing up Team Verde, the cuteness must have broken my head!
Please REVIEW! XD